Sunday, August 24, 2008

Intimacy and Loneliness

Something pretty unexpected has happened to me. I feel loneliness in a way that I never expected. I have made many friends here, but I realize the loneliness is something different. It isn’t one for family, friends, work, but for the feeling of closeness that exists in an intimate (not necessarily physical) relationship. I realize I took for granted that closeness I felt when being with my wife, my children, and my closest friends.

Recently I met a young woman who for some reason I felt an immediate connection to, though our lives have little in common. It is a wonderful thing. The sad thing is she leaves in a week. But what it made me aware of is the beauty of that connection. For a week I will be less lonely than I was, and enjoy the brief time I have instead of being sad for its brevity.

Because people need intimacy, warmth, love. Each person has varying degrees of this need, but as I have become more and more open to my own soul, I realize how much my soul is nourished by these encounters. And how, even though we survive without it, we are made better by each of these intimate moments, whether it lasts for 35 years, 1 year, 1week, or 1 minute.

It can be painful to have a connection move out of your life. And so we try to protect ourselves by isolating our souls from completely joining with another. This is so sad. Enjoy the encounter, revel in what it adds to your life.

My sister often says we should not be allowed to talk, as this just screws up our relationships with others. In many ways she is right. Imagine if we could only communicate non-verbally. We could no longer hide our inner selves, but have to be honest with each interaction. Our souls would be fully open to each other, feeling the presence of others without hiding behind words.

So what have I really learned? I need to be open to each encounter, listening and feeling with my entire being. I can’t expect magical things to happen with everyone I meet, but I can take away from each encounter the magic of life itself. I need to rejoice in relationships while they last, and not grieve them when they change. My light shines better when combined with others, and that addition can never be taken away. And though situations always change, my soul can only become stronger by being present each and every moment.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wayne- now you have a glimmer of how each of us fell/felt as you left Minnesota! You are missed dearly and the time we had with you is cherished. You are a great friend and a wise soul. We look forward to a future day when we can look you in the eye again. Maria

Wayne said...

Thank you Maria. That is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.

Anonymous said...

ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath

Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...

Anonymous said...

I wonder what draws us to one another. What makes us want to be "with" someone? Why are some content to be "alone" and others have to be "with" someone? If anyone understands I would love to hear.