So it's been a while. I've been busy. This Sunday we went to Colorado Springs. I took lots of pictures at Garden of the Gods, but it was too cloudy to see Pikes Peak. Beautiful area though. Had a wonderful day with 3 other volunteers, Joe, Brandy, and Sarah. I uploaded the pictures if you would like to take a look.
I have been amazed at not being too emotionally involved with the people I have been helping. I was worried that I would take their stories home and feel lost and forlorn. On the contrary, I fear now that I may become too cold and clinical in my approach. I find it hard to give out money when I see patterns of behavior that tell me they will just be back. This doesn't make me not want to help, it simply makes it seem like applying a band-aid to a young child and saying "it will be okay" but the kid just goes out and jumps off the roof again. Eventually you hope the kid learns, but if you don't at least try to change the behavior a little, they never will.
I see huge possibilities for multiple organizations to work together to provide a complete quilt for people. Right now I feel that individuals need to search for all the pieces themselves, and when they find them they don't fit.
And what possibilities am I learning for myself? I am finding it hard to adjust to a low budget, though I am getting better at it. I keep worrying about what I am going to do when I am done here, and I should just be focusing on the now. I am having a hard time letting go of old habits, of just letting go period. Perhaps it is a brief period of mourning before I go forward. I know I can't go back to programming again, but have no idea where this will all lead.
And how about those Packers? If they beat Dallas next week, I'm a believer again. Brett who? The green and gold rise to glory again.
I miss all of you back there at home. A day doesn't go by that at least one of you doesn't come to mind.
I have decided that egos keep the world from advancing. We all make choices based on our personal need to protect ourselves. I am not sure if that is learned from society or just inherit in us as humans. Would we choose to lose our job if it meant making life better for 20 individuals, 30, 100, 1? Your opinion?
Did I mention this was a diverse, if not rambling bit of blogging?
2 comments:
If you transitioned into this new paradigm of your life without any bumps, second thoughts or worries... I'd be worried about YOU. Try not to dwell too much on what's next - I think that for you it's going to present itself when it's ready, and it will feel like exactly the right thing to do when you see it. Enjoy the now, be yourself, whatever you discover that to be!
Thanks for the encouraging words. I certainly think I am ready to start living here in the present. Certainly I have been lucky by getting assigned great housemates. And the other volunteers are really easy to get along with. So there is no reason not to start living here except my own reluctance to let go of the comforts I am used. My guess is different comforts will become apparent if my expectations change.
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