Intimacy and Loneliness

Something pretty unexpected has happened to me. I feel loneliness in a way that I never expected. I have made many friends here, but I realize the loneliness is something different. It isn’t one for family, friends, work, but for the feeling of closeness that exists in an intimate (not necessarily physical) relationship. I realize I took for granted that closeness I felt when being with my wife, my children, and my closest friends.

Recently I met a young woman who for some reason I felt an immediate connection to, though our lives have little in common. It is a wonderful thing. The sad thing is she leaves in a week. But what it made me aware of is the beauty of that connection. For a week I will be less lonely than I was, and enjoy the brief time I have instead of being sad for its brevity.

Because people need intimacy, warmth, love. Each person has varying degrees of this need, but as I have become more and more open to my own soul, I realize how much my soul is nourished by these encounters. And how, even though we survive without it, we are made better by each of these intimate moments, whether it lasts for 35 years, 1 year, 1week, or 1 minute.

It can be painful to have a connection move out of your life. And so we try to protect ourselves by isolating our souls from completely joining with another. This is so sad. Enjoy the encounter, revel in what it adds to your life.

My sister often says we should not be allowed to talk, as this just screws up our relationships with others. In many ways she is right. Imagine if we could only communicate non-verbally. We could no longer hide our inner selves, but have to be honest with each interaction. Our souls would be fully open to each other, feeling the presence of others without hiding behind words.

So what have I really learned? I need to be open to each encounter, listening and feeling with my entire being. I can’t expect magical things to happen with everyone I meet, but I can take away from each encounter the magic of life itself. I need to rejoice in relationships while they last, and not grieve them when they change. My light shines better when combined with others, and that addition can never be taken away. And though situations always change, my soul can only become stronger by being present each and every moment.