Show Was a Success

Once again I discover how much I love to perform. Our show was fun to do, and I am hoping the video tape turned out okay and I can procure a copy. Something to remember from my time here. It is interesting how I view one of the best experiences I had here was performing with the Mellotones. All the people involved loved to sing, but what's more important they enjoy their entire life. It is a very positive experience being around these people, and it will live in my memory as a lesson to enjoy the moment.

I still struggle now with the desire to be home. Making the decision to not stay has made me anxious to be back. I don't feel I have that much personally to accomplish here anymore, other than knowing I fulfilled a year commitment. Odd how I went from one end of the spectrum to the other. I think in the past I would of stayed here out of obligation, but I understand now that this organization is pretty stuck in it's ways. There is no outlet for ideas really.

And perhaps that is another lesson for me. Although the corporate structure seems to be stuck, it always seems to me that I had the ability to have a dialogue with my bosses. I could discuss ideas and changes, and though often rejected, at least felt that I was listened to and respected for those thoughts. Here I feel that the dialogue is limited, and often results in answers like "I don't really understand the valley" or "it is too costly". There are positives to corporate structure.

I do finally feel that I know myself better than before. I lose track of me once in a while, but now I feel more confident that I can find and listen to my inner self. I no longer worry about money, and know that if the right job comes along my first question won't be how much does it pay. It will be about the core values and beliefs of the organization. I also know that I don't feel compelled to work for a non-profit. Nor do I feel compelled to work directly with people who need help. I believe my skills lie in vision and planning, so I need to find something, either in work or volunteering, where I can use that along with my convictions of where we have to go as a country. And work with people with similiar convictions. That of course is a whole different blog.

Peace all. I'll be back by August at the latest. And I keep swimming in the beautiful waters of uncertainty. It may be cold, but it keeps you feeling that you are still alive.