I feel like a new person. I feel like there is something fundamentally different in how I look at things. Thing is, I don't know why. I believe all the same things I used to. I still don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. But I feel like there is something new inside me.
I no longer really worry about anything, or if I do the worry seems to go away quickly. I don't care that answers aren't jumping out at me. I don't really care if I find them or not. So maybe that's it for me. Coming here was a means of letting go. I think I have. I look forward to what each day will bring, and am not concerned with the outcomes.
I am enjoying the process of living more than I ever have. I use my hands and my mind doing the most mundane of tasks and am starting to enjoy it. Where ever this journey takes me, I believe I am willing to go.
Enjoy your life people. It is a remarkable quirk of nature that each of us has the ability to think, reason, love. The more I live life on a daily basis, the more I see the beauty in creation.
Thanks to my daughter for the header. She did a great job. Love you all and peace to the world. Remember when you hurt others you are only hurting yourself. We are all one.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Coming Home
I have decided to celebrate my first 6 months in Alamosa by taking a vacation and coming home for a week. I will be flying in (weather permitting) 02/18 and flying out 02/25. Hoping to catch up with some of you out there during that time. I am looking forward to seeing Manhattan Transfer at the Dakota also. I have been listening to them since the early 70's so it's kind of exciting for me, though I have seen them already many years ago.
I do believe that I have actually let go of worrying about my future. I heard a quote from David Milch yesterday, though I can't quite remember it. The gist of it was that humility is a key attribute in being able to see all the roads available to us. It causes us to lose our expectations of the road, and therefore allows the roads to expand in ways we can't conceive of. That is not the best summary of what he said, but it captures the essence. I like the thought. Believing we can determine our path, thinking we can actually control the magnificence of creation around us, limits what we can do. But by being humble, and recognizing the magnificence, we can actually become more than our selves limited by mind.
Hope to see many of you in February. Love you all.
I do believe that I have actually let go of worrying about my future. I heard a quote from David Milch yesterday, though I can't quite remember it. The gist of it was that humility is a key attribute in being able to see all the roads available to us. It causes us to lose our expectations of the road, and therefore allows the roads to expand in ways we can't conceive of. That is not the best summary of what he said, but it captures the essence. I like the thought. Believing we can determine our path, thinking we can actually control the magnificence of creation around us, limits what we can do. But by being humble, and recognizing the magnificence, we can actually become more than our selves limited by mind.
Hope to see many of you in February. Love you all.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Lost my Stolen Internet
So I have been lucky in that my neighbor's wireless is unsecured. Unfortunately I haven't been able to connect for the last few weeks. I am hoping that he is on vacation and that a reboot of the router when he gets back will fix it. If not, I will have to figure out another way to get internet at home. Of course this has impacted my frequency of posting. I normally write when the spirit moves me, and now I would have to do it in word and email to myself so I could post at work. Not too bad, but does cramp the spur of the moment feel to the whole thing.
Anyway life has been good. I have settled into life here in the valley, and the way things work it has forced me to live more in the current moment. I do tend to have those moments when I start something, get side tracked, start something else, get side tracked, for perhaps 5 or 6 iterations before I realize that I really didn't get the initial task done yet. I believe this is a phenomenon of age, and if it gets worse as I get older I worry about ever accomplishing anything. The advantage of this is that I will have lots of unfinished tasks so if I remember one that I had started, it won't take as long to finish.
I have been doing lots of miscellaneous things around the La Puente family of services. It is good to see what each group does, contributing to the community in a variety of ways. The organization does a lot of good things in the valley.
Hope you are all well and happy, survived the holidays, and are looking forward to the new year. Peace and love to you all.
Anyway life has been good. I have settled into life here in the valley, and the way things work it has forced me to live more in the current moment. I do tend to have those moments when I start something, get side tracked, start something else, get side tracked, for perhaps 5 or 6 iterations before I realize that I really didn't get the initial task done yet. I believe this is a phenomenon of age, and if it gets worse as I get older I worry about ever accomplishing anything. The advantage of this is that I will have lots of unfinished tasks so if I remember one that I had started, it won't take as long to finish.
I have been doing lots of miscellaneous things around the La Puente family of services. It is good to see what each group does, contributing to the community in a variety of ways. The organization does a lot of good things in the valley.
Hope you are all well and happy, survived the holidays, and are looking forward to the new year. Peace and love to you all.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Random Christmas Thoughts
Check out the Christmas photos from our Christmas party. They are quite entertaining (at least to me). I had a wonderful visit with my wife, even though I worked her pretty hard getting ready for the party and all. She give me some things to ponder as she can see things here in the valley that I can't. As always, her special friendship is something I will always cherish.
I have been thinking a bit about Christmas, and feel that in a way it is a lot like Obama's election. A time of renewed hope, and a feeling that maybe the world can get started down a road of peace. I only hope that we don't get jaded to quickly with Mr. Obama, and we give him time to make a difference. Many have given up on Christianity because of the way the messages have been warped by those in power. Let's hope what so many people feel is a new era doesn't get warped before it can take a strong foothold into our culture.
I am somewhat tired of pondering life as I do too often, and am feeling more and more comfortable just leaving things be and enjoying the moment. I know I have said this often but I find myself actually not thinking at times and wondering what is happening. Amazing.
I do know that I am not really cut out to service people in this manner my whole life. I keep thinking about the big picture and what really causes the problems in the first place. I believe I need to be somewhere that I can affect public policy or action. I guess I am not cut out to be a follower. Many of you already knew this about me, but I think I can finally admit it to myself. I believe I have a lot to offer in helping facilitate change, but the trick will be discovering the proper venue.
Speaking of venue, the Mellotones spring show is starting practice in January. Should be a good one. I believe the performance is in March if anyone would like to come down for this show of shows.
Hope you all have a Merry Christmas, but more importantly have a joyous present moment (and the next and the next) for the rest of your present moment life. Peace to all of you and my wish is that humankind can start seeing that death and destruction is not the true road to happiness and power. When will we tire of killing? Not a happy way to end so one more time, love to you all.
I have been thinking a bit about Christmas, and feel that in a way it is a lot like Obama's election. A time of renewed hope, and a feeling that maybe the world can get started down a road of peace. I only hope that we don't get jaded to quickly with Mr. Obama, and we give him time to make a difference. Many have given up on Christianity because of the way the messages have been warped by those in power. Let's hope what so many people feel is a new era doesn't get warped before it can take a strong foothold into our culture.
I am somewhat tired of pondering life as I do too often, and am feeling more and more comfortable just leaving things be and enjoying the moment. I know I have said this often but I find myself actually not thinking at times and wondering what is happening. Amazing.
I do know that I am not really cut out to service people in this manner my whole life. I keep thinking about the big picture and what really causes the problems in the first place. I believe I need to be somewhere that I can affect public policy or action. I guess I am not cut out to be a follower. Many of you already knew this about me, but I think I can finally admit it to myself. I believe I have a lot to offer in helping facilitate change, but the trick will be discovering the proper venue.
Speaking of venue, the Mellotones spring show is starting practice in January. Should be a good one. I believe the performance is in March if anyone would like to come down for this show of shows.
Hope you all have a Merry Christmas, but more importantly have a joyous present moment (and the next and the next) for the rest of your present moment life. Peace to all of you and my wish is that humankind can start seeing that death and destruction is not the true road to happiness and power. When will we tire of killing? Not a happy way to end so one more time, love to you all.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Write in a While
Not much has happened so I haven't been writing much. I have been contemplating some of the feelings I have around my job. It is interesting to note that I feel very ineffectual in actually doing anything of substance towards the issues our organization faces daily.
My wife is coming to visit and that will be nice to experience a bit of home here in the valley. I pick her up tomorrow from Colorado Springs, and she will partake in the annual Christmas party here. Of course she will work, as the group I work with is in charge of much of the activity in the party. She also will be fortunate enough to work with the PALS program, some of the children who are organization serves.
So I will be quite busy over the weekend, and won't be paying much attention to the blog. Just wanted to say hi and wish you all a Merry Christmas if I don't write till then. I always talk about how blessed I feel, and that will never stop. I consider anyone who reads this blog a friend, and I feel very thankful for all of you. Love and lets pray for real peace on earth in our lifetimes.
My wife is coming to visit and that will be nice to experience a bit of home here in the valley. I pick her up tomorrow from Colorado Springs, and she will partake in the annual Christmas party here. Of course she will work, as the group I work with is in charge of much of the activity in the party. She also will be fortunate enough to work with the PALS program, some of the children who are organization serves.
So I will be quite busy over the weekend, and won't be paying much attention to the blog. Just wanted to say hi and wish you all a Merry Christmas if I don't write till then. I always talk about how blessed I feel, and that will never stop. I consider anyone who reads this blog a friend, and I feel very thankful for all of you. Love and lets pray for real peace on earth in our lifetimes.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Unqualified Success
So I have to say our performance was nothing short of spectacular. Of course anytime I can do an Elvis impersonation I am completely happy. To say the least, it was an interesting event to take part in. Seeing the smiling faces in the audience no matter how I thought things sounded was a reminder that anytime people can watch others being happy goes beyond critique of quality. Of course we had our moments, but certainly the best was our outfits. And let it be enough said that I was among the youngest in the venue. I did get a couple of women come up to me afterward and say they really enjoyed my performance because of course "every group needs a clown."
I have also uploaded a few random images of a trip to Creed I took recently. Met some interesting people, one of which had the bungalow you will see in the picture. It had some great views and some original artwork birdfeeders. Very cool. Also went fossil hunting there on the slope outside of town. I wasn't very successful, but it was fun smashing rocks. The last picture is just a beautiful sunrise taken out my bedroom window. So now you get two blogs in one weekend. Hope all is going well.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Where to Start?
There are just so many directions I could go with this blog, I am not sure where to begin. It has been busy, and yet not. At least a couple nights a week were taken up by rehearsal. Our show will be "entertaining". Just wish I could get a video of it. As a hint, I actually get two measures of singing as Elvis (or my interpretation of such). If I am allowed to get away with that, one can imagine the rest. Singing has felt good though, and I am looking forward to performing once again.
I have been thinking a lot about what my lessons are here in this remote valley of the lost. There is a sense of isolation here that I never would of thought possible to find so close to home. It is not because of the remoteness of the place, but more the feel of the area. I guess I realize now that I get my energy from people. Many people here are nature energy people. I love being out in nature and enjoying the power of the earth, but my primary driver is people. The energy coming from people here is confusing at the least. The sense of order and peace is extremely different than that in the Twin Cities.
I suppose that is something I need to comprehend. I came here as most of you know to "let go" (I seem to be using a lot of quotes in this blog) and to hopefully discover that next step I need to try. I suppose I was hoping for answers again to pop up in my heart, but now I know that all I can do is keep being open to paths that open up. My wonderful daughter is so correct in quoting Dr. Suess
"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than you."
That is such a living in the present moment thing. I am who I am right now. I miss Mr. Theodore Geissel, for he had such insight that he could express so simply, unlike this current writing of mine.
So I often ask myself, "what is my lesson, what am I learning?" I think I am learning not to ask those questions. Most of what I am learning is impossible to write in words. It is about perceptions, feelings, energy. It is not about proverbs or directions. I am learning to appreciate all the me that I am, discovering feelings inside that defy definition, yet changes each day. Perhaps there is more to my atomic chemistry theory than I thought. I also know that each day is precious, that focusing on laughter and love is much better than focusing on sadness, pain, and fear. And that the world isn't about me and my happiness but just is what it is each day.
Oh well, thanks for reading my ramblings. I appreciate the responses. I am more and more aware that all of you add value to my life and my life is better because of your existence. I hope the day will come that we all see our connections to each other and Mother Earth clearly without any fear. Jeez, I feel like an old hippie now.
I have been thinking a lot about what my lessons are here in this remote valley of the lost. There is a sense of isolation here that I never would of thought possible to find so close to home. It is not because of the remoteness of the place, but more the feel of the area. I guess I realize now that I get my energy from people. Many people here are nature energy people. I love being out in nature and enjoying the power of the earth, but my primary driver is people. The energy coming from people here is confusing at the least. The sense of order and peace is extremely different than that in the Twin Cities.
I suppose that is something I need to comprehend. I came here as most of you know to "let go" (I seem to be using a lot of quotes in this blog) and to hopefully discover that next step I need to try. I suppose I was hoping for answers again to pop up in my heart, but now I know that all I can do is keep being open to paths that open up. My wonderful daughter is so correct in quoting Dr. Suess
"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than you."
That is such a living in the present moment thing. I am who I am right now. I miss Mr. Theodore Geissel, for he had such insight that he could express so simply, unlike this current writing of mine.
So I often ask myself, "what is my lesson, what am I learning?" I think I am learning not to ask those questions. Most of what I am learning is impossible to write in words. It is about perceptions, feelings, energy. It is not about proverbs or directions. I am learning to appreciate all the me that I am, discovering feelings inside that defy definition, yet changes each day. Perhaps there is more to my atomic chemistry theory than I thought. I also know that each day is precious, that focusing on laughter and love is much better than focusing on sadness, pain, and fear. And that the world isn't about me and my happiness but just is what it is each day.
Oh well, thanks for reading my ramblings. I appreciate the responses. I am more and more aware that all of you add value to my life and my life is better because of your existence. I hope the day will come that we all see our connections to each other and Mother Earth clearly without any fear. Jeez, I feel like an old hippie now.
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