I walk amongst parapets of steel and cement
Climbing and reaching to the sky
And between them corridors
That wind and bend
Sometimes emerging on a small shop
Sometimes emptying into a vast space
Often just meandering to seemingly nowhere
Until they emerge at a destination.
I may encounter a Christmas tree
Or a man playing guitar
All part of a downtown castle
A village of beggars and kings and waifs and merchants
Bound together by the corridors
And something else
That no one can really see
Or really wants to see.
For we are just part of a modern kingdom
And for all our fanciful toys
We are not really that advanced.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Religious Thought
Just read a long book by Neal Stephenson called Anathem. Though slow at times it had some very interesting insights in it. I won't go into the details of the book as it is quite complicated. But somewhere towards the end, there was a response to a person who had embraced an old religious thought and held that as true, despite evidence otherwise. They represented a faction of the world who just wants a belief to hold on to to have things make sense, much like the comfort many of our religious organizations give us. The response can be paraphrased this way.
"He decided to continue his studies because he said that the more he knew of the complexity of the mind, and the cosmos in which it was inextricably and mysteriously bound up, the more inclined he was to see it as a kind of a miracle - not in the sense that the religious use the term, for he considered it altogether natural. He meant rather that the evolution of our minds from bits of inanimate matter was more beautiful and more extraordinary than any of the miracles cataloged down through the ages by the religions of our world. And so he had an instinctive skepticism of any system of thought, religious or theorical, that pretended to encompass that miracle, and in so doing draw limits around it."
Allowing my mind to be free to explore the "miracle", seeking the ways that I am bound up in the cosmos, and creating meaning seems to be the single most important thing for me right now. I am not looking for an answer, for as the above quote alludes to, an answer is fleeting. It only puts boundaries on the beauty of the miracle, and therefore limits ourselves to how far we can go.
What I really want to do is free my mind from the burden created by my own ego. I want to act from a place within, a place that touches the cosmos. I guess that is asking a lot. Perhaps someday I can get there. I do feel better about not needing to embrace a specific dogma now when it comes to religion. The "miracle" means to keep searching. Draw no limits, see no boundaries.
"He decided to continue his studies because he said that the more he knew of the complexity of the mind, and the cosmos in which it was inextricably and mysteriously bound up, the more inclined he was to see it as a kind of a miracle - not in the sense that the religious use the term, for he considered it altogether natural. He meant rather that the evolution of our minds from bits of inanimate matter was more beautiful and more extraordinary than any of the miracles cataloged down through the ages by the religions of our world. And so he had an instinctive skepticism of any system of thought, religious or theorical, that pretended to encompass that miracle, and in so doing draw limits around it."
Allowing my mind to be free to explore the "miracle", seeking the ways that I am bound up in the cosmos, and creating meaning seems to be the single most important thing for me right now. I am not looking for an answer, for as the above quote alludes to, an answer is fleeting. It only puts boundaries on the beauty of the miracle, and therefore limits ourselves to how far we can go.
What I really want to do is free my mind from the burden created by my own ego. I want to act from a place within, a place that touches the cosmos. I guess that is asking a lot. Perhaps someday I can get there. I do feel better about not needing to embrace a specific dogma now when it comes to religion. The "miracle" means to keep searching. Draw no limits, see no boundaries.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Talking to Myself
I just realized that when I post blogs, I post really long ones. I don't know if I would read them myself. Why do I ramble so? Perhaps because I know I am just talking to myself. And is this a bad habit? No, of course not. Who knows you better than you?
Try asking yourself questions someday and then answer them in a spontaneous way. Don't think about how stupid the guy who asked you the question is. Just respond. It's amazing what one will tell one's self, and it is even more fascinating in that you will actually listen.
This is a good practice. Challenge yourself constantly and respond without thinking. You'll be amazed at the insights you have of yourself.
Surprise, I kept it short.
Try asking yourself questions someday and then answer them in a spontaneous way. Don't think about how stupid the guy who asked you the question is. Just respond. It's amazing what one will tell one's self, and it is even more fascinating in that you will actually listen.
This is a good practice. Challenge yourself constantly and respond without thinking. You'll be amazed at the insights you have of yourself.
Surprise, I kept it short.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Room for Expansion
I believe long ago I wrote about the universe speaking to me, telling me I needed to expand. I have been contemplating this and today came to understand an aspect of this message.
I have often mentioned that I have been blessed with skills and capabilities that have brought me to a point in life where I am comfortable in both material and emotional comforts. I am in a position that not many people (percentage wise) in the world can get to. Given where I am at, I have the freedom to make choices others don't.
Looking at things that way, I realize that I have several directions to head in my field of life. There is my parent's paradigm of retirement, there is a paradigm of complete devotion to a cause, there is giving up on life completely, there is... ; let's just say infinite possibilities.
Expansion at this point means to take my freedom and expand beyond my parent's paradigm and move towards something different. Take the rare opportunity given to me (or some would say created by hard work, depending on your epistemological view) and expand it into something more.
My goal now is to detach myself from thinking of life as linear and observe it more as circular. My father was in the same position I am right now at some point in his life. He made his choices, which were all perfectly fine. It has circled back to me. In some ways I am in an even better place than my dad was. What will my choices be? If I choose the same as my dad it will truly be circular. Perhaps a helix is a better way to think of it.
Circling around yet not to the same spot. As threads in a screw. Almost as a strand of DNA. Goodness where is my mind taking me now. The beginning is never the same as the end, and yet we come back to a spot very close and start over.
Oh well, expand as a helix. Circle around and learn so we don't keep repeating life but advance it in a positive way. I like that a lot. Oh yeah, and live in the moment. And I forgot, don't take anything personally. And....
There a thousand axioms and theorems to live by. Try one, learn, come back, learn some more.
Love all
I have often mentioned that I have been blessed with skills and capabilities that have brought me to a point in life where I am comfortable in both material and emotional comforts. I am in a position that not many people (percentage wise) in the world can get to. Given where I am at, I have the freedom to make choices others don't.
Looking at things that way, I realize that I have several directions to head in my field of life. There is my parent's paradigm of retirement, there is a paradigm of complete devotion to a cause, there is giving up on life completely, there is... ; let's just say infinite possibilities.
Expansion at this point means to take my freedom and expand beyond my parent's paradigm and move towards something different. Take the rare opportunity given to me (or some would say created by hard work, depending on your epistemological view) and expand it into something more.
My goal now is to detach myself from thinking of life as linear and observe it more as circular. My father was in the same position I am right now at some point in his life. He made his choices, which were all perfectly fine. It has circled back to me. In some ways I am in an even better place than my dad was. What will my choices be? If I choose the same as my dad it will truly be circular. Perhaps a helix is a better way to think of it.
Circling around yet not to the same spot. As threads in a screw. Almost as a strand of DNA. Goodness where is my mind taking me now. The beginning is never the same as the end, and yet we come back to a spot very close and start over.
Oh well, expand as a helix. Circle around and learn so we don't keep repeating life but advance it in a positive way. I like that a lot. Oh yeah, and live in the moment. And I forgot, don't take anything personally. And....
There a thousand axioms and theorems to live by. Try one, learn, come back, learn some more.
Love all
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Don't Cry For Me
This weekend while up on the north shore (see the pictures in my collection) I had the opportunity to complete two totally unrelated books. The first "Moretta, Dragonlady of Pern" is one of the series by Anne McCaffrey. The second "The Greatest Story Ever Sold: The Decline and Fall of Truth in Bush's America" by Frank Rich was written just a while ago and is very scary story indeed.
These stories made me ask myself questions, in light of certain celebrity deaths, of why I cried for whom. So in the last few weeks my inventory is as follows.
Walter Cronkite. Who in my generation or earlier didn't love Walter Cronkite. I trusted in his integrity and honesty and whatever evil was ever found out about him, I never heard it. He symbolizes to me the death of something very important in our culture. Trust in the media. Which is why Frank Rich's book hit me so hard. There are good journalists out there, but you have to dig to find them. Which is sad. Our news anchors are perfect portraits of the perfect people. We get our news in small snippets, getting smaller and less detailed as time goes on.
We don't have time to read, we need it in 120 characters or less it seems to make it worth our ever so valuable time. The media knows it. It wants ratings and success. But Walter never worried about that when he gave us his editorials. He questioned presidents, heads of state, anyone whom he felt had crossed the border of proper behavior. And that is what the press did for us. It made us confident that there were watchdogs out there, making sure our elected officials played it straight. And we trusted they did this for us.
But Bush turned this whole thing upside down. And now with Walter dead, I am not sure what media outlet I can really trust. The golden age of journalism has given way to the age of marketing. Liberal or conservative, we should all be after truth.
Moretta. Okay so she is a fictional character. But she died doing a duty that was forced upon her by other leaders. I guess I read this before Rich, but at the time, crying over the death of Moretta I realized I had never really mourned the death of all who have died in Iraq and Afghanistan, and others who have died in service of our country in recent years. I have shed tears over Vietnam, those who died and were inflicted with so many emotional and physical wounds. But not so with Iraq.
Why, why, why.
And then I read Rich. I never thought about it much, though I had read about it in many alternate press publications. Bush blocked those images of death very effectively. The Iraq war until recently was a simple cleanup operation. No one was dying there. But even old liberal, don't believe a word of what they tell you me, got caught up in his own life enough to let myself forget that there even was a war. At least now there is a backlash, at least now our government admits mistakes, but it is certainly not front page news.
So then I cried for our country's armed forces. The people who have elected service and are subject to the decisions of leaders tucked safely away. One can argue they chose the life, but it doesn't mean we can't honor them with our tears. And then for the Iraqi people whose life was miserable before and may be worse now. And then all the victoms of war, be they the fighters or the public. For none of the decisions to do this are theirs. They are made by leaders with no real concept of the cost. Modern war is meaningless, petty, and downright sucks. It is about power or wealth or both. There is no real good reason for it, given the cost.
So who didn't I cry for? Michael Jackson or Farrah Fawcett for sure. Though I cry easily, these people are not people that I think matter much for the world. Their deaths are just part of a culture that spends more time on its media icons than on things that matter. Like war. Like healthcare. Like feeding the hungry. I would guess our government will likely grant someplace a bit of money for a Michael Jackson memorial way faster than figuring out how to help our vets or fix up healthcare.
Why? Look at what America cares about, and then ask "If I were a politician, what would get make the most people like me in the least controversial way?" Answer, anything but what really matters.
These stories made me ask myself questions, in light of certain celebrity deaths, of why I cried for whom. So in the last few weeks my inventory is as follows.
Walter Cronkite. Who in my generation or earlier didn't love Walter Cronkite. I trusted in his integrity and honesty and whatever evil was ever found out about him, I never heard it. He symbolizes to me the death of something very important in our culture. Trust in the media. Which is why Frank Rich's book hit me so hard. There are good journalists out there, but you have to dig to find them. Which is sad. Our news anchors are perfect portraits of the perfect people. We get our news in small snippets, getting smaller and less detailed as time goes on.
We don't have time to read, we need it in 120 characters or less it seems to make it worth our ever so valuable time. The media knows it. It wants ratings and success. But Walter never worried about that when he gave us his editorials. He questioned presidents, heads of state, anyone whom he felt had crossed the border of proper behavior. And that is what the press did for us. It made us confident that there were watchdogs out there, making sure our elected officials played it straight. And we trusted they did this for us.
But Bush turned this whole thing upside down. And now with Walter dead, I am not sure what media outlet I can really trust. The golden age of journalism has given way to the age of marketing. Liberal or conservative, we should all be after truth.
Moretta. Okay so she is a fictional character. But she died doing a duty that was forced upon her by other leaders. I guess I read this before Rich, but at the time, crying over the death of Moretta I realized I had never really mourned the death of all who have died in Iraq and Afghanistan, and others who have died in service of our country in recent years. I have shed tears over Vietnam, those who died and were inflicted with so many emotional and physical wounds. But not so with Iraq.
Why, why, why.
And then I read Rich. I never thought about it much, though I had read about it in many alternate press publications. Bush blocked those images of death very effectively. The Iraq war until recently was a simple cleanup operation. No one was dying there. But even old liberal, don't believe a word of what they tell you me, got caught up in his own life enough to let myself forget that there even was a war. At least now there is a backlash, at least now our government admits mistakes, but it is certainly not front page news.
So then I cried for our country's armed forces. The people who have elected service and are subject to the decisions of leaders tucked safely away. One can argue they chose the life, but it doesn't mean we can't honor them with our tears. And then for the Iraqi people whose life was miserable before and may be worse now. And then all the victoms of war, be they the fighters or the public. For none of the decisions to do this are theirs. They are made by leaders with no real concept of the cost. Modern war is meaningless, petty, and downright sucks. It is about power or wealth or both. There is no real good reason for it, given the cost.
So who didn't I cry for? Michael Jackson or Farrah Fawcett for sure. Though I cry easily, these people are not people that I think matter much for the world. Their deaths are just part of a culture that spends more time on its media icons than on things that matter. Like war. Like healthcare. Like feeding the hungry. I would guess our government will likely grant someplace a bit of money for a Michael Jackson memorial way faster than figuring out how to help our vets or fix up healthcare.
Why? Look at what America cares about, and then ask "If I were a politician, what would get make the most people like me in the least controversial way?" Answer, anything but what really matters.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
The End Is the Beginning
Life is about decisions. Or is it? Recently I read that making a decision is just the start of the path that decision takes you on. This is particularly fascinating to me, as I am someone who has always belabored decisions. Am I making the right one? Where will it lead? Always trying to make sure my decision is a good, informed one. And once it is made, I am done.
Not so. Making the decision is only the beginning, not the end. I understand this more clearly than I ever have (if I ever have). No matter how we try to make the "right" decision, the path that it leads us down is entirely unpredictable.
For a simplistic example, take our recent refrigerator purchase. We looked at different brands, debated what would work best, and ended up with a new refrigerator. All done. Not really. What if it is a lemon, what if it leaks some odd gas that makes me deranged, what if....
The reality is I don't know. My decision to purchase a refrigerator could result in a multitude of things. Did the actual decision matter that much? No. Whatever I purchased or if I made no purchase would of probably worked out fine though the path with the different refrigerators MAY be different.
So I am starting to think that belaboring decisions may as likely to lead to disappointment as success. In feeling we made the best decision, we try to force the results we want that decision to come up in. We can't. And so we feel we failed.
The journey caused by each decision will continue until the next decision needs to be made. That decision may come very quickly on the heels of the last one, such as "that decision didn't work out, perhaps something else will be better".
What is all this rambling mean for me? I am going to start moving forward with my life by listening to my heart. I will make a decision based on what I feel is the right thing for me, and then leave it behind so I can experience the journey it leads me on. No more belaboring, just living at each moment. The decision is not the end but only the beginning to a journey of unknown results. There is no wrong decision if we allow ourselves to live and learn about life from these results and not let them make us sad.
Not so. Making the decision is only the beginning, not the end. I understand this more clearly than I ever have (if I ever have). No matter how we try to make the "right" decision, the path that it leads us down is entirely unpredictable.
For a simplistic example, take our recent refrigerator purchase. We looked at different brands, debated what would work best, and ended up with a new refrigerator. All done. Not really. What if it is a lemon, what if it leaks some odd gas that makes me deranged, what if....
The reality is I don't know. My decision to purchase a refrigerator could result in a multitude of things. Did the actual decision matter that much? No. Whatever I purchased or if I made no purchase would of probably worked out fine though the path with the different refrigerators MAY be different.
So I am starting to think that belaboring decisions may as likely to lead to disappointment as success. In feeling we made the best decision, we try to force the results we want that decision to come up in. We can't. And so we feel we failed.
The journey caused by each decision will continue until the next decision needs to be made. That decision may come very quickly on the heels of the last one, such as "that decision didn't work out, perhaps something else will be better".
What is all this rambling mean for me? I am going to start moving forward with my life by listening to my heart. I will make a decision based on what I feel is the right thing for me, and then leave it behind so I can experience the journey it leads me on. No more belaboring, just living at each moment. The decision is not the end but only the beginning to a journey of unknown results. There is no wrong decision if we allow ourselves to live and learn about life from these results and not let them make us sad.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Wow, It's Been a Month
Almost at least a month since I have written. Since then I have settled into a job, reconnected with friends, got a new garage door installed, getting a tankless hot water heater installed, the La Puente Bed Bugs won their first game, and my son has scaled Mount Fuji. And of course I have continued to read things. Thanks to Joe, I read my first Alan Watts book, titled appropriately enough "The Book". This was written in the mid 60's and is great reading for everyone (including myself) who think so much of Tolle. His "american" interpretation of ancient Hindu beliefs causes one to pause and think hard about how we define ourselves. I believe it is eye opening, but it certainly depends on where one is at in life.
Reading Watts' book made me think (and he does reference) Martin Buber's "I and Thou" (or "Ich und Du" for those who prefer the original German) first published in 1923 and read by me about 1978. I did not understand it then, but upon starting to read it again, it actually brings together ideas in my mind. Reading Watts first certainly helped, but considering Buber wrote this in the 1920's blows me away. Here's a quick few lines
"The basic word I-You can be spoken only with one's whole being. The concentration and fusion into a whole being can never be accomplished by me, can never be accomplished without me. I require a You to become; becoming I, I say You. All actual life is encounter."
And another
"The I of the basic word I-It, the I that is not bodily confronted by a You but surrounded by a multitude of "contents," has only a past and no present. In other words: insofar as a human being makes do with the things that he experiences or uses, he lives in the past, and his moment has no presence. He has nothing but objects; but objects consist in having been.....What is essential is lived in the present, objects in the past."
What does all this mean? I would encourage you to think about it because it borders on how you define yourself and the spirituality you accept. For me it says that I am defined by you, and you are defined by me. We are interdependent not just with each other, but with our relation to all things, a tree, a flower, the air.
When we define ourselves it is always in relation to things around us. How can you be a kind person if there is nothing to be kind to? Kindness is relational. This is not a bad thing, but good as it allows us of freeing our ego up to look at life in a more relaxed manner. Even those people or situations that cause us the most grief are things that define us. The person could never be mean to us either if we weren't there. People could never be better than us, richer, smarter, etc. if everyone were the same.
This interdependence on how we define ourselves make us all equally important to each other. How cool is that? I don't have to feel bad if someone yells at me to relieve their tension, because I am doing them a service. If I wasn't there to yell at, what would they do. I am important to that person feeling important. And therein is the key, feeling something. That is ego. We let go of that and recognize how much we support each other what a wonderful world it would be. Accepting others skills or qualities without comparing. Would we be happy or what?
I ramble, as usual. If anyone would like to talk about this some more, I have lots of thoughts. It is making me calmer to think this way, and I am starting to see the beauty in even things I used to think of as ugly. I will be writing here also occasionally. Just because I have come back from Alamosa doesn't mean my journey is done. In a way I feel like it is just beginning. I have much to learn, many new experiences to ponder, and many more fields (notice I didn't say paths Paul) to roam in. Love you all.
Reading Watts' book made me think (and he does reference) Martin Buber's "I and Thou" (or "Ich und Du" for those who prefer the original German) first published in 1923 and read by me about 1978. I did not understand it then, but upon starting to read it again, it actually brings together ideas in my mind. Reading Watts first certainly helped, but considering Buber wrote this in the 1920's blows me away. Here's a quick few lines
"The basic word I-You can be spoken only with one's whole being. The concentration and fusion into a whole being can never be accomplished by me, can never be accomplished without me. I require a You to become; becoming I, I say You. All actual life is encounter."
And another
"The I of the basic word I-It, the I that is not bodily confronted by a You but surrounded by a multitude of "contents," has only a past and no present. In other words: insofar as a human being makes do with the things that he experiences or uses, he lives in the past, and his moment has no presence. He has nothing but objects; but objects consist in having been.....What is essential is lived in the present, objects in the past."
What does all this mean? I would encourage you to think about it because it borders on how you define yourself and the spirituality you accept. For me it says that I am defined by you, and you are defined by me. We are interdependent not just with each other, but with our relation to all things, a tree, a flower, the air.
When we define ourselves it is always in relation to things around us. How can you be a kind person if there is nothing to be kind to? Kindness is relational. This is not a bad thing, but good as it allows us of freeing our ego up to look at life in a more relaxed manner. Even those people or situations that cause us the most grief are things that define us. The person could never be mean to us either if we weren't there. People could never be better than us, richer, smarter, etc. if everyone were the same.
This interdependence on how we define ourselves make us all equally important to each other. How cool is that? I don't have to feel bad if someone yells at me to relieve their tension, because I am doing them a service. If I wasn't there to yell at, what would they do. I am important to that person feeling important. And therein is the key, feeling something. That is ego. We let go of that and recognize how much we support each other what a wonderful world it would be. Accepting others skills or qualities without comparing. Would we be happy or what?
I ramble, as usual. If anyone would like to talk about this some more, I have lots of thoughts. It is making me calmer to think this way, and I am starting to see the beauty in even things I used to think of as ugly. I will be writing here also occasionally. Just because I have come back from Alamosa doesn't mean my journey is done. In a way I feel like it is just beginning. I have much to learn, many new experiences to ponder, and many more fields (notice I didn't say paths Paul) to roam in. Love you all.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
An Understanding?
A few days ago I posted a riddle that was presented to me. Today I think I discovered what it means to me. The odd thing is that it comes about because of the numerology thing on Facebook. Taking that led me to re-reading the numerology book that my friend Tina lent me.
I do have a problem with perfectionism. I tend to see the ideal, and get frustrated when I can't implement that ideal. This combined with my inability to see my own self-worth creates much anxiety. The book tells me to see the universal truth that all is perfect as is, and also to accept that nothing on earth is ever truly perfect. The best that can be achieved is excellence. This dichotomy explains my riddle to me.
I keep seeing the world the way I want it to be. This is the valley floor of beauty. It is my vision of the ideal of beauty (symbolising of course my vision of perfection). The mesa is the world as it is, not perfect, but perfect in it's place in the universal ideal.
I need to accept all things as perfect, including my own responses. This means I can choose to do things not acting out of guilt or anger but from out of love and respect for myself and others. This actually comes back to something I wrote many months ago about faith in the universe. The numerology book has a great quote that expresses this well.
"Perfect faith recognizes that our mind cannot know or assume what is for our highest good; this faith inspires us to appreciate the perfection of imperfection. Such a recognition opens doors to an expanded sense of life."
The word "expanded" is an interesting thing, for in a recent meditation as I was realizing that I had "let go" as previously asked to do, I heard the word "expand" as a direction to take for my next step. Funny but since then I have read many things using the word expand. Perhaps the universe does guide us if we have the courage to listen. It certainly led me today to a much deeper understanding of myself.
I do have a problem with perfectionism. I tend to see the ideal, and get frustrated when I can't implement that ideal. This combined with my inability to see my own self-worth creates much anxiety. The book tells me to see the universal truth that all is perfect as is, and also to accept that nothing on earth is ever truly perfect. The best that can be achieved is excellence. This dichotomy explains my riddle to me.
I keep seeing the world the way I want it to be. This is the valley floor of beauty. It is my vision of the ideal of beauty (symbolising of course my vision of perfection). The mesa is the world as it is, not perfect, but perfect in it's place in the universal ideal.
I need to accept all things as perfect, including my own responses. This means I can choose to do things not acting out of guilt or anger but from out of love and respect for myself and others. This actually comes back to something I wrote many months ago about faith in the universe. The numerology book has a great quote that expresses this well.
"Perfect faith recognizes that our mind cannot know or assume what is for our highest good; this faith inspires us to appreciate the perfection of imperfection. Such a recognition opens doors to an expanded sense of life."
The word "expanded" is an interesting thing, for in a recent meditation as I was realizing that I had "let go" as previously asked to do, I heard the word "expand" as a direction to take for my next step. Funny but since then I have read many things using the word expand. Perhaps the universe does guide us if we have the courage to listen. It certainly led me today to a much deeper understanding of myself.
Carhenge
Just a quick note. Went to see Carhenge (check out the photos in the album). It is incredible that Americans can come up with such things. I wonder if in 10,000 years people will be confused as to which one came first. I particularly liked the other random car sculptures strewn around the field. I really need no more commentary on this, a picture is worth a thousand words.
There is also an album of the Badlands, which really is an incredible sight to see. Some day I need to get back there and really hike through it.
Finally are my final shots from the rooftop of my Alamosa home. It is strange not seeing the mountains every day, but it is also wonderful to see real green and feel the life that is humidity (kind of like a rain forest thing).
I am happy to be home. I have no idea of where my journey will take me now. It becomes more internal I think (don't know how that can be), as I don't know if I could take another long period of time away from friends and family. There is goodness in the separation but betterness in the connections.
There is also an album of the Badlands, which really is an incredible sight to see. Some day I need to get back there and really hike through it.
Finally are my final shots from the rooftop of my Alamosa home. It is strange not seeing the mountains every day, but it is also wonderful to see real green and feel the life that is humidity (kind of like a rain forest thing).
I am happy to be home. I have no idea of where my journey will take me now. It becomes more internal I think (don't know how that can be), as I don't know if I could take another long period of time away from friends and family. There is goodness in the separation but betterness in the connections.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Riddle?
As I was meditating the other day, a riddle was posed to me. A young girl, perhaps 8 or 9, came and took my hand. We flew to a very barren place, just rock and sand, no vegetation. The young girl looked at me and asked "Is it beautiful?".
I immediately wanted to reply that everything is beautiful, but I didn't really feel that. I did not say anything. We then continued walking until I realized we were actually on a huge mesa or plateau. We came to the edge, and below me I saw a rich valley filled with trees and plush vegetation. There was a river. The scene was breathtaking. The young girl looked up at me and asked "Is it beautiful now?".
I looked behind me and below me, and really didn't know what to answer. And was I being asked about the mesa or the valley?
And so the riddle. I can think about many meanings for this, and yet none seem to really fit. Like any riddle, there is likely not one answer, but surely there is an answer for me.
I am on my way home, sitting in a hotel in Sterling, CO. I am ready to be home, sad to be leaving. I am experiencing emotions I don't think I have ever had. Funny thing is I feel happy about that.
I immediately wanted to reply that everything is beautiful, but I didn't really feel that. I did not say anything. We then continued walking until I realized we were actually on a huge mesa or plateau. We came to the edge, and below me I saw a rich valley filled with trees and plush vegetation. There was a river. The scene was breathtaking. The young girl looked up at me and asked "Is it beautiful now?".
I looked behind me and below me, and really didn't know what to answer. And was I being asked about the mesa or the valley?
And so the riddle. I can think about many meanings for this, and yet none seem to really fit. Like any riddle, there is likely not one answer, but surely there is an answer for me.
I am on my way home, sitting in a hotel in Sterling, CO. I am ready to be home, sad to be leaving. I am experiencing emotions I don't think I have ever had. Funny thing is I feel happy about that.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Final Volunteer Party for Me
So it was a great night with my friends. Here are a few pictures of the party. For those on Facebook, you can get the whole thing. It was wonderful to see everyone, and to wish them well. I have learned much from each of them, and am thankful that they are part of my life.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Decision Has Been Made
Spent much time debating whether I should return in August, or sign on again. I think I mentioned that in a previous post. Well, after deciding not to sign on again, I talked to Todd about contracting for him. Long story short (which is odd for me, normally its' short story long) I will be returning early. As a matter of fact I leave the valley on Friday this week and start work on June 8th.
It was an interesting path deciding to come back early. I realized as I thought about it that at this point I was only staying because of the commitment. I believe what I came here to learn I did, so I knew staying on would be out of obligation. This of course is something I was trying to eliminate in my life, that feeling of obligation, that somehow if I wasn't in whatever situation and helping to shape it, it would go wrong.
I realized this organization was not capable of listening to ideas, expanding the way it thinks. It wasn't necessary for me to try and save it. I believe I have made an impact here, but it is hard to feel that it will carry forward. This of course leads me back to obligation, to try and carry things forward. But I have understood more and more over the past years that you just do your best. It is not your choice how others take what you say. And to get upset over that is silly.
Of course the other reason to stay would be in another Mellotones production. This would almost of been worth it. But the job is extremely boring and monotonous, and it takes too much effort to try to make it better.
So there you go. I am excited about making money again. Odd as it sounds, I think I will like to have a challenging job again. It will be interesting for me to see how I react to working again. If I fall into the trap of frustration, or am just more willing to accept the word "no" easier. I am hoping to do some soul searching (I don't think that will ever stop) and research to find out what next steps are for me. I am hoping to write up a lessons learned, but that particular post may take a while. Also I know that some things I learned are not easy to define.
I will miss everyone here in the valley that I have met. The people I worked with and played with have enriched my life with friendliness and love. I also know I have much to learn from youth (talking 20 somethings). I believe they see things differently than we did at that age. It is certainly an interesting phenomenom.
Love you all, and will be seeing some of you soon.
It was an interesting path deciding to come back early. I realized as I thought about it that at this point I was only staying because of the commitment. I believe what I came here to learn I did, so I knew staying on would be out of obligation. This of course is something I was trying to eliminate in my life, that feeling of obligation, that somehow if I wasn't in whatever situation and helping to shape it, it would go wrong.
I realized this organization was not capable of listening to ideas, expanding the way it thinks. It wasn't necessary for me to try and save it. I believe I have made an impact here, but it is hard to feel that it will carry forward. This of course leads me back to obligation, to try and carry things forward. But I have understood more and more over the past years that you just do your best. It is not your choice how others take what you say. And to get upset over that is silly.
Of course the other reason to stay would be in another Mellotones production. This would almost of been worth it. But the job is extremely boring and monotonous, and it takes too much effort to try to make it better.
So there you go. I am excited about making money again. Odd as it sounds, I think I will like to have a challenging job again. It will be interesting for me to see how I react to working again. If I fall into the trap of frustration, or am just more willing to accept the word "no" easier. I am hoping to do some soul searching (I don't think that will ever stop) and research to find out what next steps are for me. I am hoping to write up a lessons learned, but that particular post may take a while. Also I know that some things I learned are not easy to define.
I will miss everyone here in the valley that I have met. The people I worked with and played with have enriched my life with friendliness and love. I also know I have much to learn from youth (talking 20 somethings). I believe they see things differently than we did at that age. It is certainly an interesting phenomenom.
Love you all, and will be seeing some of you soon.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Okay Gadget Freaks
I really like this. It speaks to our obsession with the next gadget. And also other things.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
New Pictures
Check out the new pictures. Particularly the scenes from a rooftop. Those are deer eyes shining with the flash. Could be a UFO though. Also check out the pictures of the Mellotones. I love these people. Hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Show Was a Success
Once again I discover how much I love to perform. Our show was fun to do, and I am hoping the video tape turned out okay and I can procure a copy. Something to remember from my time here. It is interesting how I view one of the best experiences I had here was performing with the Mellotones. All the people involved loved to sing, but what's more important they enjoy their entire life. It is a very positive experience being around these people, and it will live in my memory as a lesson to enjoy the moment.
I still struggle now with the desire to be home. Making the decision to not stay has made me anxious to be back. I don't feel I have that much personally to accomplish here anymore, other than knowing I fulfilled a year commitment. Odd how I went from one end of the spectrum to the other. I think in the past I would of stayed here out of obligation, but I understand now that this organization is pretty stuck in it's ways. There is no outlet for ideas really.
And perhaps that is another lesson for me. Although the corporate structure seems to be stuck, it always seems to me that I had the ability to have a dialogue with my bosses. I could discuss ideas and changes, and though often rejected, at least felt that I was listened to and respected for those thoughts. Here I feel that the dialogue is limited, and often results in answers like "I don't really understand the valley" or "it is too costly". There are positives to corporate structure.
I do finally feel that I know myself better than before. I lose track of me once in a while, but now I feel more confident that I can find and listen to my inner self. I no longer worry about money, and know that if the right job comes along my first question won't be how much does it pay. It will be about the core values and beliefs of the organization. I also know that I don't feel compelled to work for a non-profit. Nor do I feel compelled to work directly with people who need help. I believe my skills lie in vision and planning, so I need to find something, either in work or volunteering, where I can use that along with my convictions of where we have to go as a country. And work with people with similiar convictions. That of course is a whole different blog.
Peace all. I'll be back by August at the latest. And I keep swimming in the beautiful waters of uncertainty. It may be cold, but it keeps you feeling that you are still alive.
I still struggle now with the desire to be home. Making the decision to not stay has made me anxious to be back. I don't feel I have that much personally to accomplish here anymore, other than knowing I fulfilled a year commitment. Odd how I went from one end of the spectrum to the other. I think in the past I would of stayed here out of obligation, but I understand now that this organization is pretty stuck in it's ways. There is no outlet for ideas really.
And perhaps that is another lesson for me. Although the corporate structure seems to be stuck, it always seems to me that I had the ability to have a dialogue with my bosses. I could discuss ideas and changes, and though often rejected, at least felt that I was listened to and respected for those thoughts. Here I feel that the dialogue is limited, and often results in answers like "I don't really understand the valley" or "it is too costly". There are positives to corporate structure.
I do finally feel that I know myself better than before. I lose track of me once in a while, but now I feel more confident that I can find and listen to my inner self. I no longer worry about money, and know that if the right job comes along my first question won't be how much does it pay. It will be about the core values and beliefs of the organization. I also know that I don't feel compelled to work for a non-profit. Nor do I feel compelled to work directly with people who need help. I believe my skills lie in vision and planning, so I need to find something, either in work or volunteering, where I can use that along with my convictions of where we have to go as a country. And work with people with similiar convictions. That of course is a whole different blog.
Peace all. I'll be back by August at the latest. And I keep swimming in the beautiful waters of uncertainty. It may be cold, but it keeps you feeling that you are still alive.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Helped My Shower Pass A Stone
Poor thing. Jumped in the shower this morning and the poor guy was suffering the weakest stream. Standing there naked under the dribble of water, I realized that it would take me a long time to rinse. So I turned off the water and unscrewed all the plumbing. I blew it all out and reassembled it. Still weak. I determined the real problem was in the head of the shower, and so I took that apart and pounded it hard several times against my hand. Lo and behold, a large pebble came out. After that the shower's stream was as strong as ever. I completed my shower in sheer delight at the strength of the stream and the happiness expressed by the water droplets coming out of the shower head now that the stone was passed.
Thus life in the valley continues. My days have been busy. My nights have been busy. The Mellotones will be celebrating their 30th anniversary extravaganza in a few weeks. We will be busy rehearsing. Besides being the entertainment, we are also the servers at the pre-program meal. If any of you plan on being in Monte Vista on the 24th or 25th, I can secure tickets for you. Hurry while supplies last.
I am trying hard not to anticipate being home, but it is difficult not to think about it. I think I will try contracting while I try and determine my next steps. Permanent employment seems silly right now as I ponder where the future will take me. Regular employment seems more like a real possibility for me for the future though. A little turn around in my thought patterns has made this at least an option for me.
Peace and love to all. Remember, don't make it personal. Ciao.
Thus life in the valley continues. My days have been busy. My nights have been busy. The Mellotones will be celebrating their 30th anniversary extravaganza in a few weeks. We will be busy rehearsing. Besides being the entertainment, we are also the servers at the pre-program meal. If any of you plan on being in Monte Vista on the 24th or 25th, I can secure tickets for you. Hurry while supplies last.
I am trying hard not to anticipate being home, but it is difficult not to think about it. I think I will try contracting while I try and determine my next steps. Permanent employment seems silly right now as I ponder where the future will take me. Regular employment seems more like a real possibility for me for the future though. A little turn around in my thought patterns has made this at least an option for me.
Peace and love to all. Remember, don't make it personal. Ciao.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
It Is Easter
It is snowing. A lot. I feel a bit melancholy. Holidays make me think of my childhood. Traditions and family all looked at in a different light. Maintaining the spark of childhood, yet growing older and seeing things with a bit more knowledge.
I feel ready to move on now. Not sure to what. Certainly whatever it is will become a new learning experience. My wife has been extremely patient with me. Her enduring friendship is something I will always be thankful for.
I am thankful for all who haven't judged but merely asked and accepted.
Perhaps son I can finally move out of the pathed wood and emerge into the field. There are lots of possible implications to such an approach. The major one is that those around you need to expect the unexpected. I don't think that will be a problem for most. Frolicking in the field of life may feel good to the frolicker, but certainly has implications to those who stand around and which him.
I feel ready to move on now. Not sure to what. Certainly whatever it is will become a new learning experience. My wife has been extremely patient with me. Her enduring friendship is something I will always be thankful for.
I am thankful for all who haven't judged but merely asked and accepted.
Perhaps son I can finally move out of the pathed wood and emerge into the field. There are lots of possible implications to such an approach. The major one is that those around you need to expect the unexpected. I don't think that will be a problem for most. Frolicking in the field of life may feel good to the frolicker, but certainly has implications to those who stand around and which him.
Monday, April 6, 2009
It's My Birthday
A time for contemplation. A time for remembering. A time for looking forward. I think back over the past year and it certainly has been eventful for me, as well as others who had to cope with those events. I feel that all these things have definately had an impact on me. Can I quantify that? Likely not.
Changes for me feel subtle. A little more relaxed, a little more forgiving. Have I found answers I was hoping for? I don't really know. I discovered things about myself that I didn't think needed discovering. That is good. Life still is a bit confusing to me, but I actually am starting to enjoy the twists and turns in the road, instead of being a bulldozer and trying to keep the road straight.
I love the way my children have grown. I love who they have become, who they are becoming. I love the way I feel I am growing. I enjoy each morning, afternoon, and evening.
I love the fact that I have many friends who care about me. More than anything, I appreciate more and more meeting each person in an open way, non-judging, trying to accept rather than critique. I am thankful for every gift I have been given in this life.
Thanks for all your birthday wishes. For those who sent cards, thank you. For those who sent presents, thank you. Have a drink for me today.
Changes for me feel subtle. A little more relaxed, a little more forgiving. Have I found answers I was hoping for? I don't really know. I discovered things about myself that I didn't think needed discovering. That is good. Life still is a bit confusing to me, but I actually am starting to enjoy the twists and turns in the road, instead of being a bulldozer and trying to keep the road straight.
I love the way my children have grown. I love who they have become, who they are becoming. I love the way I feel I am growing. I enjoy each morning, afternoon, and evening.
I love the fact that I have many friends who care about me. More than anything, I appreciate more and more meeting each person in an open way, non-judging, trying to accept rather than critique. I am thankful for every gift I have been given in this life.
Thanks for all your birthday wishes. For those who sent cards, thank you. For those who sent presents, thank you. Have a drink for me today.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Thinking About Thinking About Nothing
As I was walking in this morning, I was watching the birds and looking at trees and it got me to wondering what life would be like if we just were instinctual like animals. I know people like to attribute human characteristics to animals but let's face it, they act primarily out of instinct. So how cool would it be to not think, not really have strong emotions, but be guided by nature?
How would it feel to be a bird soaring through the air? Or a squirrel running around, climbing trees, and getting fried by electric lines? And then the answer came to me. If I were completely instinctual, how would I know? Does a bird flying really think "this is really cool"? Probably not. They are just following the patterns that are genetically implanted.
Of course we can imagine all we want, another thing that would be impossible acting on instinct. So I have decided that acting on instinct is a good thing, but having the emotions and thoughts are also a huge blessing (even though at times they may hurt us). To find a balance between all of nature, our nature, our emotions, and our thoughts seems to be the lesson.
I do understand more and more why believing in yourself and letting life flow through you is the key. I always felt something subtly wrong with the image of us being in a river where we can swim with or against the current. I like to take the concept a little further and think of the river flowing through us, where we merge with life as we learn and become part of the flow, not an object seperate to it.
So as parting words all I can say is "BE THE WATER, FLOW AS THE RIVER FLOWS WITH YOU". Love you all.
How would it feel to be a bird soaring through the air? Or a squirrel running around, climbing trees, and getting fried by electric lines? And then the answer came to me. If I were completely instinctual, how would I know? Does a bird flying really think "this is really cool"? Probably not. They are just following the patterns that are genetically implanted.
Of course we can imagine all we want, another thing that would be impossible acting on instinct. So I have decided that acting on instinct is a good thing, but having the emotions and thoughts are also a huge blessing (even though at times they may hurt us). To find a balance between all of nature, our nature, our emotions, and our thoughts seems to be the lesson.
I do understand more and more why believing in yourself and letting life flow through you is the key. I always felt something subtly wrong with the image of us being in a river where we can swim with or against the current. I like to take the concept a little further and think of the river flowing through us, where we merge with life as we learn and become part of the flow, not an object seperate to it.
So as parting words all I can say is "BE THE WATER, FLOW AS THE RIVER FLOWS WITH YOU". Love you all.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
I Am Sore
Not angry sore mind you. My body is sore. I worked yesterday with a workgroup of 9th graders and we worked really hard. We broke up several slabs of concrete, all taking much lifting and swinging of sledges. It felt really good to do heavy labor. Always invigorating to be outside. But my body responded this morning with many complaints.
So I have decided to do nothing today but sit in my pajamas, play games, and tip a few brews. Since it is so wonderful out, I did splurge and hang my clothes on the line to dry. And I will need to open my porch door to enjoy the beauty of the day. But all this will be done with minimum movement.
Is this all I have to say? I think so. Generally life is good. I am happy doing what I can do here. Not sure what that will amount to in the long run, but for now it is enough to take each day with joy. My contemplations on things tend to be pretty minimum these days. I have formed new ideas and opinions, but am no closer to defining what to do about them than I was 20 years ago. But that is okay, as I now feel that I understand a little better that which I over-intellectualized.
Love to you all.
So I have decided to do nothing today but sit in my pajamas, play games, and tip a few brews. Since it is so wonderful out, I did splurge and hang my clothes on the line to dry. And I will need to open my porch door to enjoy the beauty of the day. But all this will be done with minimum movement.
Is this all I have to say? I think so. Generally life is good. I am happy doing what I can do here. Not sure what that will amount to in the long run, but for now it is enough to take each day with joy. My contemplations on things tend to be pretty minimum these days. I have formed new ideas and opinions, but am no closer to defining what to do about them than I was 20 years ago. But that is okay, as I now feel that I understand a little better that which I over-intellectualized.
Love to you all.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Where Am I Going?
If someone could once answer that definitively for me it would be great. I have pretty much given up on the notion of a destination, and have been finding that the journey is becoming more fun. I have been given some more challenges at work, and will likely discover much more about myself in the process. I do know now that I love working to make an organization better (have I said that) much more than I like doing the front line stuff.
It is fun to challenge the way things have always been done, and make processes more efficient in order to better serve the customer. The customer in this case is whoever your business or organization is supposed to service. Makes no difference what business for me, I love trying to make things work better.
So it will be fun to start working with the coffee house and other projects within the umbrella of La Puente. I don't believe changes will be drastic, but I do believe now that maybe I can have some impact before I leave.
Yes, leave. I am not sure if I will extend here for a bit more time or not. It depends on where I get to in terms of what I am doing. I would never give up on something halfway through. But even though my last post may have sounded like I would stay here indefinitely, I certainly will leave here as I see more and more potential in myself and things I can accomplish.
So for now, I guess I don't really need to know where I am going because I am already somewhere. I don't want to trip over the roots in front of me because I can only see the horizon. I am starting to amble a little slower, happy looking up, down, all around taking in the sights at this point in my journey. I am sure the terrain will change, and cause me to adjust, but the only way I can adjust is to notice the current conditions.
Love all. Anytime I feel down now, I think about how blessed (have I written that enough) I have been for all the people who have brought me to this point. I have a meditation CD that has one sentence in it. "Love is the answer."
It is fun to challenge the way things have always been done, and make processes more efficient in order to better serve the customer. The customer in this case is whoever your business or organization is supposed to service. Makes no difference what business for me, I love trying to make things work better.
So it will be fun to start working with the coffee house and other projects within the umbrella of La Puente. I don't believe changes will be drastic, but I do believe now that maybe I can have some impact before I leave.
Yes, leave. I am not sure if I will extend here for a bit more time or not. It depends on where I get to in terms of what I am doing. I would never give up on something halfway through. But even though my last post may have sounded like I would stay here indefinitely, I certainly will leave here as I see more and more potential in myself and things I can accomplish.
So for now, I guess I don't really need to know where I am going because I am already somewhere. I don't want to trip over the roots in front of me because I can only see the horizon. I am starting to amble a little slower, happy looking up, down, all around taking in the sights at this point in my journey. I am sure the terrain will change, and cause me to adjust, but the only way I can adjust is to notice the current conditions.
Love all. Anytime I feel down now, I think about how blessed (have I written that enough) I have been for all the people who have brought me to this point. I have a meditation CD that has one sentence in it. "Love is the answer."
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Two Weeks Ago
Two weeks ago I posted my last blog entry. I have had the honor since then of traveling home and seeing those who I hold dear. An odd thing occurred in this trip home though. I kind of went through a "reverse" culture shock. I realize how accustomed I have become to the lack of stress I have here in the valley. It was amazing to come home and think about where I needed to be when, traveling miles upon miles to get there, and then think about the next day. Though it doesn't create stress for me, it certainly was interesting to experience the feeling as if it was new. I enjoyed my visit immensely though. Seeing all my friends and family made me realize just how lucky I am to have such an amazing support network.
I also think I am ready to begin actually living in the valley. Being home made me realize that I came here not to miss home, but to discover about myself and my future path. I know now that I have turned a corner and really want to dig in and see what I can do, both for myself and La Puente.
This morning I had another bit of the voices speaking to me again. The ones who told me I had to "let go" have now returned and told me I need to "expand". I can only guess I will understand that over time, the way "let go" became clear to me over the course of the last year. I believe I need a teacher or guide now, something I wouldn't admit to before, so it will be interesting to see what happens in the next few months.
Love you all. Thanks to all those who traveled specifically to see me. I wish I could of seen Krista, but she was gallivanting in the sun. Please be safe and happy. Remember that actions speak louder than words, and though we may say what we believe, it is much harder to live it. Peace, love, and loads of happiness.
I also think I am ready to begin actually living in the valley. Being home made me realize that I came here not to miss home, but to discover about myself and my future path. I know now that I have turned a corner and really want to dig in and see what I can do, both for myself and La Puente.
This morning I had another bit of the voices speaking to me again. The ones who told me I had to "let go" have now returned and told me I need to "expand". I can only guess I will understand that over time, the way "let go" became clear to me over the course of the last year. I believe I need a teacher or guide now, something I wouldn't admit to before, so it will be interesting to see what happens in the next few months.
Love you all. Thanks to all those who traveled specifically to see me. I wish I could of seen Krista, but she was gallivanting in the sun. Please be safe and happy. Remember that actions speak louder than words, and though we may say what we believe, it is much harder to live it. Peace, love, and loads of happiness.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Okay So I Have Been Lazy
I am excited about being home, and my days have found kind of a routine swing to them. I actually am not thinking an inordinate amount and that is allowing me to enjoy my time here more. I signed up for the Alamosa Community Choir and that is really fun. The Mellotones rehersals are also starting up, so that takes care of Monday and Tuesday nights. I do have one request though. Please don't ask me what I am going to do come August. My official press release statement is as follows:
I don't know and I am not thinking about it. Que sera sera. I have faith that my path will become clear when it is appropriate.
Another little revelation for myself. I was trying to find other ways of helping this organization and in the process realized that much of my joy in any job comes from improving the organization and making it better, not necessarily in doing the work of the organization. Although it can be fulfilling to help individuals, it is even more fulfilling for me to give the organization even more possibilities than it thought it had. Guess I always felt that way for whatever company I worked for. Unfortunately in business institutions this is often looked on as making waves and trying to make a name for yourself.
Looking forward to being home in a week. See you then.
I don't know and I am not thinking about it. Que sera sera. I have faith that my path will become clear when it is appropriate.
Another little revelation for myself. I was trying to find other ways of helping this organization and in the process realized that much of my joy in any job comes from improving the organization and making it better, not necessarily in doing the work of the organization. Although it can be fulfilling to help individuals, it is even more fulfilling for me to give the organization even more possibilities than it thought it had. Guess I always felt that way for whatever company I worked for. Unfortunately in business institutions this is often looked on as making waves and trying to make a name for yourself.
Looking forward to being home in a week. See you then.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Spam Stuff
So here is a little thing that was sent to me via email and I was encouraged to share. Rather than SPAM you all, I figured I would post it here. It is classic email fodder, but the analogy is good. I thought at least a few of you would enjoy.
Mayonnaise Jar & Two Beers...
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with a unanimous yes.
The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed.
'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.The sand is everything else---the small stuff.
'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUTWAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS......IT'S LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN !
Mayonnaise Jar & Two Beers...
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with a unanimous yes.
The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed.
'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.The sand is everything else---the small stuff.
'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUTWAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS......IT'S LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN !
Saturday, January 24, 2009
First Assignment
I thought you all might enjoy trying this one. I have never really done anything quite like this in my schooling. I remember my creative writing class in high school. I wrote an epic about monsters from space trying to take over the world and only being able to kill them by throwing peanut butter on them. So needless to say it is difficult for me to expand writing in this way. I promise not to share all of Michelle’s assignments with you, but thought this one was fun for all if not to write but to think about.
1) Write 25 words you like and dislike on cards (this is harder than one thinks).
25 words I like
empathy finger really darn wowsers
seriously piñata perception funky technically
sunshine banana behooves asparagus Uranus
peace reality flush odor foul
nature spring fall growth why
25 words I dislike
right wrong should like quiet
smart change prick comb attitude
past know intention manager restriction
booger beat march obey impossible
sudoku poop wind chill can do glop
2) Pick 5 words, at least 2 you don’t like, and write a 5 line poem, one word for each line.
Empathy allows us to feel the way
It behooves us to pay attention to flow
There is no wrong
No other we must obey
We must smell the odor of intuition
3) Take the abstract words LOVE and BEAUTIFUL and make them concrete. What are the first things that come to your mind when you hear these words.
Love is a tree with huge branches reaching out and long roots going down. It ebbs and flows with the seasons, and may look dead at times, but always has sap, its life blood, flowing through the roots, branches, trunk waiting for the next season to arrive.
Beautiful is a brook with the sunlight glistening off the water as it flows over rocks. The appearance can constantly change, leaves, branches can obstruct the flow. Logs may fall in creating new ponds and water routes. But the beautiful water is always there.
4) Write a poem of any length, any style with no rhyming.
Birds chirping
Wind blowing
Sun behind clouds
We see the signs of nature around us
Organic, changing, yet staying the same
And ignore the nature inside us
Thinking we can make ourselves
Beyond nature
Like a building tall against the sky
Standing strong against the elements
Until the wrecking ball comes
To make way for a parking lot
Or a better, taller, stronger building
Would we be better off being a tree
Swaying with the wind
Losing branches that are weak
Conserving energy when seasons change
Providing a peaceful place in the world
1) Write 25 words you like and dislike on cards (this is harder than one thinks).
25 words I like
empathy finger really darn wowsers
seriously piñata perception funky technically
sunshine banana behooves asparagus Uranus
peace reality flush odor foul
nature spring fall growth why
25 words I dislike
right wrong should like quiet
smart change prick comb attitude
past know intention manager restriction
booger beat march obey impossible
sudoku poop wind chill can do glop
2) Pick 5 words, at least 2 you don’t like, and write a 5 line poem, one word for each line.
Empathy allows us to feel the way
It behooves us to pay attention to flow
There is no wrong
No other we must obey
We must smell the odor of intuition
3) Take the abstract words LOVE and BEAUTIFUL and make them concrete. What are the first things that come to your mind when you hear these words.
Love is a tree with huge branches reaching out and long roots going down. It ebbs and flows with the seasons, and may look dead at times, but always has sap, its life blood, flowing through the roots, branches, trunk waiting for the next season to arrive.
Beautiful is a brook with the sunlight glistening off the water as it flows over rocks. The appearance can constantly change, leaves, branches can obstruct the flow. Logs may fall in creating new ponds and water routes. But the beautiful water is always there.
4) Write a poem of any length, any style with no rhyming.
Birds chirping
Wind blowing
Sun behind clouds
We see the signs of nature around us
Organic, changing, yet staying the same
And ignore the nature inside us
Thinking we can make ourselves
Beyond nature
Like a building tall against the sky
Standing strong against the elements
Until the wrecking ball comes
To make way for a parking lot
Or a better, taller, stronger building
Would we be better off being a tree
Swaying with the wind
Losing branches that are weak
Conserving energy when seasons change
Providing a peaceful place in the world
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Few Tidbits
I have devised a way to get (steal) wireless internet in our neighborhood since the one strong signal we used to get is now WEP protected. I did a little Google search and discovered an easy way was to take an external wireless adaptor, put it in a make-shift radar dish (I used some aluminum foil but think I will try to find an old metal strainer to use) and it becomes a directional finder. I tripled the strength of the signal that was too weak to stay on consistently and it works pretty darn good. I am going to keep working on improving the "dish" and see what I can come up with. Nothing like a good challenge.
I need to take more time for me right now. I don't feel I am doing my job well, nor do I care, which for me is a new and strange feeling. I have to find more or different things to occupy my work time, and take my off time to relax, meditate, read, etc. I think I have been trying to distract myself in down time to compensate for work, and I need to reverse that. Make my work day distracting, and concentrate on the internal during down time.
My friend Michelle is sharing her creative writing assignments with me. I will be doing posts occasionally with some of these assignments, which will force me to write more. I will share the actual assignment on the post, so if you want to play along feel free.
Lastly, I found this picture on the web. I don't know how I feel about it. It evoked laughter, then wonder on where they would need a sign like this, then frustration over the thought that there some places very close to my house where it wouldn't hurt, then laughter again thinking of how some of us have performed at least one of these functions somewhere inappropriate. Peace out dogs, I love you all.
F.Y.I. Trahv is fine in Estonian so it's 10,000 big ones for violating the rule.
I need to take more time for me right now. I don't feel I am doing my job well, nor do I care, which for me is a new and strange feeling. I have to find more or different things to occupy my work time, and take my off time to relax, meditate, read, etc. I think I have been trying to distract myself in down time to compensate for work, and I need to reverse that. Make my work day distracting, and concentrate on the internal during down time.
My friend Michelle is sharing her creative writing assignments with me. I will be doing posts occasionally with some of these assignments, which will force me to write more. I will share the actual assignment on the post, so if you want to play along feel free.
Lastly, I found this picture on the web. I don't know how I feel about it. It evoked laughter, then wonder on where they would need a sign like this, then frustration over the thought that there some places very close to my house where it wouldn't hurt, then laughter again thinking of how some of us have performed at least one of these functions somewhere inappropriate. Peace out dogs, I love you all.
F.Y.I. Trahv is fine in Estonian so it's 10,000 big ones for violating the rule.
Friday, January 16, 2009
I Was Surprised
This week we spent some time on a retreat. All the volunteers were there. I was anticipating a relatively frustrating experience, but as the days went on realized that we all have come a long way in understanding a bit more about our situation here. It created a cool experience, and again taught me not to anticipate. Luckily I didn't hold on to that anticipation and was able to thoroughly enjoy the company of those on the retreat. We stayed at a spectacular house overlooking Creede and I posted several pictures of the view and the interior of this house. Hope you enjoy seeing them.
Joe and I created a great sled run down the hill. It was insane the speed one could accumulate going down the hill right outside the house. I haven't laughed over just pure insanity for a while and it felt good, even though my legs were gone after the trek up the hill.
I am looking forward to being home and am hoping that I can stop in and see many of you at Wells Fargo on Thursday, with maybe a little happy hour after. I am feeling more and more comfortable now with my life here, and have no doubt that where ever I go in the future I will be ever more present and enjoy each little interaction for the peace it can bring a life.
Happy trails dear friends.
Joe and I created a great sled run down the hill. It was insane the speed one could accumulate going down the hill right outside the house. I haven't laughed over just pure insanity for a while and it felt good, even though my legs were gone after the trek up the hill.
I am looking forward to being home and am hoping that I can stop in and see many of you at Wells Fargo on Thursday, with maybe a little happy hour after. I am feeling more and more comfortable now with my life here, and have no doubt that where ever I go in the future I will be ever more present and enjoy each little interaction for the peace it can bring a life.
Happy trails dear friends.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Lessons Learned But Not Known
I feel like a new person. I feel like there is something fundamentally different in how I look at things. Thing is, I don't know why. I believe all the same things I used to. I still don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. But I feel like there is something new inside me.
I no longer really worry about anything, or if I do the worry seems to go away quickly. I don't care that answers aren't jumping out at me. I don't really care if I find them or not. So maybe that's it for me. Coming here was a means of letting go. I think I have. I look forward to what each day will bring, and am not concerned with the outcomes.
I am enjoying the process of living more than I ever have. I use my hands and my mind doing the most mundane of tasks and am starting to enjoy it. Where ever this journey takes me, I believe I am willing to go.
Enjoy your life people. It is a remarkable quirk of nature that each of us has the ability to think, reason, love. The more I live life on a daily basis, the more I see the beauty in creation.
Thanks to my daughter for the header. She did a great job. Love you all and peace to the world. Remember when you hurt others you are only hurting yourself. We are all one.
I no longer really worry about anything, or if I do the worry seems to go away quickly. I don't care that answers aren't jumping out at me. I don't really care if I find them or not. So maybe that's it for me. Coming here was a means of letting go. I think I have. I look forward to what each day will bring, and am not concerned with the outcomes.
I am enjoying the process of living more than I ever have. I use my hands and my mind doing the most mundane of tasks and am starting to enjoy it. Where ever this journey takes me, I believe I am willing to go.
Enjoy your life people. It is a remarkable quirk of nature that each of us has the ability to think, reason, love. The more I live life on a daily basis, the more I see the beauty in creation.
Thanks to my daughter for the header. She did a great job. Love you all and peace to the world. Remember when you hurt others you are only hurting yourself. We are all one.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Coming Home
I have decided to celebrate my first 6 months in Alamosa by taking a vacation and coming home for a week. I will be flying in (weather permitting) 02/18 and flying out 02/25. Hoping to catch up with some of you out there during that time. I am looking forward to seeing Manhattan Transfer at the Dakota also. I have been listening to them since the early 70's so it's kind of exciting for me, though I have seen them already many years ago.
I do believe that I have actually let go of worrying about my future. I heard a quote from David Milch yesterday, though I can't quite remember it. The gist of it was that humility is a key attribute in being able to see all the roads available to us. It causes us to lose our expectations of the road, and therefore allows the roads to expand in ways we can't conceive of. That is not the best summary of what he said, but it captures the essence. I like the thought. Believing we can determine our path, thinking we can actually control the magnificence of creation around us, limits what we can do. But by being humble, and recognizing the magnificence, we can actually become more than our selves limited by mind.
Hope to see many of you in February. Love you all.
I do believe that I have actually let go of worrying about my future. I heard a quote from David Milch yesterday, though I can't quite remember it. The gist of it was that humility is a key attribute in being able to see all the roads available to us. It causes us to lose our expectations of the road, and therefore allows the roads to expand in ways we can't conceive of. That is not the best summary of what he said, but it captures the essence. I like the thought. Believing we can determine our path, thinking we can actually control the magnificence of creation around us, limits what we can do. But by being humble, and recognizing the magnificence, we can actually become more than our selves limited by mind.
Hope to see many of you in February. Love you all.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Lost my Stolen Internet
So I have been lucky in that my neighbor's wireless is unsecured. Unfortunately I haven't been able to connect for the last few weeks. I am hoping that he is on vacation and that a reboot of the router when he gets back will fix it. If not, I will have to figure out another way to get internet at home. Of course this has impacted my frequency of posting. I normally write when the spirit moves me, and now I would have to do it in word and email to myself so I could post at work. Not too bad, but does cramp the spur of the moment feel to the whole thing.
Anyway life has been good. I have settled into life here in the valley, and the way things work it has forced me to live more in the current moment. I do tend to have those moments when I start something, get side tracked, start something else, get side tracked, for perhaps 5 or 6 iterations before I realize that I really didn't get the initial task done yet. I believe this is a phenomenon of age, and if it gets worse as I get older I worry about ever accomplishing anything. The advantage of this is that I will have lots of unfinished tasks so if I remember one that I had started, it won't take as long to finish.
I have been doing lots of miscellaneous things around the La Puente family of services. It is good to see what each group does, contributing to the community in a variety of ways. The organization does a lot of good things in the valley.
Hope you are all well and happy, survived the holidays, and are looking forward to the new year. Peace and love to you all.
Anyway life has been good. I have settled into life here in the valley, and the way things work it has forced me to live more in the current moment. I do tend to have those moments when I start something, get side tracked, start something else, get side tracked, for perhaps 5 or 6 iterations before I realize that I really didn't get the initial task done yet. I believe this is a phenomenon of age, and if it gets worse as I get older I worry about ever accomplishing anything. The advantage of this is that I will have lots of unfinished tasks so if I remember one that I had started, it won't take as long to finish.
I have been doing lots of miscellaneous things around the La Puente family of services. It is good to see what each group does, contributing to the community in a variety of ways. The organization does a lot of good things in the valley.
Hope you are all well and happy, survived the holidays, and are looking forward to the new year. Peace and love to you all.
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